Wow. I have been neglecting my writing. A lot! But I’m back, and I’ll make that same old promise to myself- I will blog more often!
A lot has happened since I last blogged, so I won’t even try to recap. Instead, on to this week’s joys! Simon & I bought a house and it settled today! We are officially home owners. Well, owners of a lovely mortgage, but still – we’ll soon be in a house that we can paint, landscape and not have the intrusion of someone coming to inspect my housekeeping skills every 6 months! I’m just waiting for Simon to get home from work (he’s on the late shift this week – such bad timing), and then we’ll go over and revel in it. Getting the news from the lawyer and then getting the keys from the real estate office was bittersweet – super exciting, but Simon wasn’t there, so it lacked a ‘little something’. I’m looking forward to having him put the key in the front door this evening.
And then tomorrow the hard work begins – we’re going to repaint the interior, get new curtains or blinds, find rugs, a new couch etc. I’m really looking forward to making our mark on the place. Every time we’ve been there, the previous owner has been there, so it’s been difficult to get that ‘yes, we can make a home here’ vibe going properly. The worst was on Monday when I went to the pre-settlement final inspection. She was trying to pass the ‘woman of the house’ torch to me, which was very lovely, but the way she did it was completely overwhelming. I came home and had a panic attack and had to call my mum, crying that it was never going to feel like our home, it’s going to be full of her and the memories she just implanted in my brain. I know faaar too much about her daughters, including the fact one of them had their period arrive that day! My goodness!
Other big news in my life – I’m most likely getting a promotion at work (there’s a headcount freeze for end of financial year that’s holding things up). Crazy times in my life these days. After all the horrible, hard years, this year everything is just coming up roses. It’s hard to believe it’s really me this is all happening to – this stuff just doesn’t happen to me. But I’ll take it! The role at work was created with me in mind, but I still had to go through the red tape of applying and facing the interview. It was yesterday afternoon and I thought I completely flunked it. Like so bad that as soon as I left the interview room I went to the bathroom and cried. It was awful. I had been laughing with family earlier this week, saying it was going to be super awkward being interviewed by people who already knew me – how do you big note yourself in front of people you know? Turned out it was horrible for another reason – humiliating yourself (or so I thought) in front of people you know and respect is absolutely crushing to the ego. I was so desperately upset at myself, feeling like I’d let my little family (Simon and our dog Minnie) down by not going up a pay grade when we just got a mortgage – on and on went the negative self talk until I could barely function, I was filled with that much self-loathing and despair. And then I ran into my TL today (he was one of those who interviewed me) and he started talking about me having the job like it was a totally normal conversation. When I was surprised, he asked why and I told him I thought it was the worst interview I’d ever done. He said I was much better than the others they interviewed and that Donna, the other person who interviewed me, thought it was one of the best interviews she’d ever been in. What?? I honestly don’t know who she’s been interviewing but they must be abysmal because I was terrible! I couldn’t think of any good answers to any questions, and half way through my replies I forgot what the question was (they were really long questions!) and kind of petered out and had to be prompted. Argh. Hideous. But again – I’ll take it! Maybe I didn’t seem as bad as I did from inside my head. There’s usually so much going on in my head it’s hard to tell what’s coming out and what’s not. I often get people walk by and go ‘Katie, you’re so quiet!’ and it always surprises me, as there’s so much going on in my head I feel anything but quiet. Those I trust would probably not say I’m quiet – I tend to gabble all my thoughts out at them if they give me an opening.
So that’s my crazy old life at the moment. There’s more that’s been happening but I’ll get to that in another blog post. Oh, one more thing – on top of all this, and the general insanity that is my life at work, it’s nearly my 30th birthday! So I’m in the process of planning the most elaborate party I’ve ever had (that’s not hard, I’m generally the don’t-make-me-the-centre-of-attention type). I think it’s going to be awesome. Way more people than I was expecting have said they’ll come – I feel very lucky in life at the moment. I hope the world is treating you all kindly too. If it’s not, take my word for it – from the darkest holes, you can rise to the brightest happiness. It just takes time.