It’s not you, it’s me…oh, and the new salary…

I got the job! I mentioned in my last post that I had a job interview coming up, I ended up with 2 at the same place, different role levels as a Business Analyst. I got both, which was a huge surprise, after thinking I’d completely flunked at least one of the interviews. Luckily for me, and for my cousin who will now be my new boss (and dare I say, mentor?), the higher level role called me first – beating the other role by just a couple of hours. Simon also got his job and has been in training for 3 weeks now. He’s looking forward to getting into his normal roster as the demands of studying law and working full time are making themselves felt!

It’s been a hell of a stress roller coaster the past month or so. Getting ready for the interviews, surviving them (very glad I glammed up, as my new office building is plusher than anywhere I’ve ever seen, let alone worked), the interminable wait for a response, getting the response and then facing the moment of resignation. I’d been primed for a senior role in my current job, which is lovely but not where I’d like to end up. I felt awful handing in my notice though, knowing it was throwing a huge spanner in the works. My ops manager, who up until this point has been very friendly and approachable, hasn’t spoken to me since. It’s honestly like breaking up with someone, right down to all the empty reassurances given that it’s not you, it’s me. It’s not that the role here sucks, it’s just that I have a wonderful new opportunity. Blah, blah, blah. It’s excruciating. Made worse by people not believing you when you say you’re sorry for leaving – my manager took it well, but when I apologised, she said ‘oh, you’re not sorry!’. I was quite shocked. I said that yes, in fact, I was, and if I could be in two places at once I wouldn’t hesitate to stay, but that this was a career opportunity too good to pass up. She keeps making remarks about how much I have to do before I go, or how she bets I’m glad I’m leaving, etc etc.

Telling other people was a mixed bag. My good friends were genuinely thrilled for me, while being sad to see me go and worried about the impact it will have on the team and them. My ‘enemies’ (they hate me, I don’t give a damn about them) were thrilled for far more selfish reasons. One gave me a giant, awkward hug which said less ‘I’m so happy for you, well done’ and more ‘Hooray, she’s leaving!’, and the other has been the most chipper I’ve ever seen her. Others who don’t know me so well are completely puzzled how an ‘admin girl’ managed to land a BA role at a big four bank. Which is amusing, slightly insulting and a little unsettling.

Having got through all of that, my body has done its usual post-stress reaction and become incredibly sick. It happens every time I have a prolonged stressful period, and is just such unfortunate timing in one way because it’s meant of the 4 weeks notice I’ve given, 1 of them has been spent sick in bed. Which I’m sure my manager and my enemies think is just me using up my remaining sick leave. I hate it. I suppose in one way it’s good it happened now and not once I’ve started my new role, but I know I’m leaving my current team in a lurch a little by leaving so I wanted to get as much done as I could before I left. Mum and Simon tell me not to worry about it, they will just have to deal with it and my loyalties no longer lie with them. I keep reminding myself of the horrible things that have happened there, and how unhappy I’ve been a lot of the time. I still feel bad about having to take time off though!

But, looking forward, I think this new role is going to be amazing. I’ll admit, I am a little daunted by the prospect of the new challenges it will hold, but it’s really time I stepped up and had a ‘proper’ career. It’s bizarre for me, someone who has jumped from crappy job to crappy job, just doing whatever came along, to suddenly have a dream career, with a dream salary. I’ll not say I’m going to be rich, because there are people out there earning more than I ever will. But for me, it’s a lot of money. I feel as though I’ve gone from being a vagrant-20-something with no idea what she wanted to do with her life, to one of the successful-under-30-year-olds. Bit of a mind bender! But a wonderful one. It will mean Simon and I can save for a house properly, and if he needs to drop back another day, he can.

A huge change for both of us! For now though, I just have to limp through the final weeks of awkwardness in my current job, and cry my way through farewells. I truly hate this transition period. But as my mum always tells me, a hermit crab has to have its uncomfortable moments before it finds its new shell.

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